A week ago we learned that we have lost the referral for the twins whom we were in the legal process of adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo. Immediately and in the days to follow, emotions and thoughts have flooded: sadness, hurt, fear, helplessness, and anger.
As the thoughts and emotions have come, God has been gracious to remind me that this adoption process is not about me...it is about the story He is writing, ultimately about His sovereignty, love, and grace! However, He knows me well and how often I need to be saved from myself! So thankful that He meets me where I am and with Words that are truth.
On the day we received the news, Jesus Calling (devotion book) focused on God's peace and used John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." How I needed His peace to speak into the despair of the situation!
The following day, anger had taken over! I attempted to write a blog post to share more about losing the twins. Every part of me wanted to write each detail. However, my words and heart were so judgmental toward a wide variety of people. Again, God used scripture in the devotional to temper my heart with the simple/hard words of Matthew 7:11 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
A few days later, I woke up thinking about the situation and found my mind worrying and planning: "Maybe we should..., or look into ...." and "What if ..." Again, the Lord was faithful to gently speak through the Jesus Calling Devotion and with His Word. In fact, He didn't waste time with the first sentence: "You will not find My peace by engaging in excessive planning: attempting to control what will happen to you in the future." The scriptures used that day were so convicting and encouraging:
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:6-7
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their way."
As God has met me during these difficult days, David's words in the Psalms have come to mind:
"O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me."
Though we do not understand what has taken place in the lives of the twins, we know that God is writing a story of love and redemption. We pray for His love and care in their lives and the plans we know He has for them (Jeremiah 29:11). As we wait again for a referral, we trust the plans God has for our family and the children He will add through adoption.