Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Traffic jams and love/hate relationships

My mind and heart have been in a bit of a "traffic jam" lately. Processing the mission trip to Uganda is more difficult than I expected. Prone to unrealistic hopeful expectations and impatience, I envisioned being able to sharing stories easier and knowing "what does this mean for my life" sooner. I am grateful to have had conversations with other team members and realize this is normal!

Prior to going to Uganda, I read both mission trip and adoption blogs. Many quote the following verse:

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

I must confess I have a love/hate relationship with this verse. First, though I have searched, I cannot find this verse in this exact translation/wording. However, I cannot deny that it accurately represents the truth of the verse and here is where the real conflict enters. 

The experience in Uganda was beyond eye-opening. We came into contact with many heartbreaking situations, the kind that makes you "want-to-sell-everything-and-move-to-Africa." We held beautiful babies and children, who, though loved and cared for, live without a mommy and daddy and care we consider to be standard. The kind that makes you want to "bring-one-home-to-a-forever-family-now."  We saw injustices that were impossible to comprehend, the kind that makes you want to "sign-up-for-another-mission-trip-as-soon-as-possible." 

We return with eyes opened and hearts broken, more aware of the things that breaks the heart of God. The difficult part is knowing what to do discerning how God wants me to respond. As a wife and mom, a very important part of this journey is partnering with Thom to seek how God is leading our family. We are praying and seeking God to lead and guide us on this journey.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

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