Unforgetable Cliches

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hillsong,  "Hosanna"

In the months and days leading up to the Uganda mission trip, I frequently prayed the words of this song. When my feet walked the red dirt and I came face to face with the beautiful people of Africa, I wanted to do so with a pure heart, ready with open eyes, to learn to love the way the Father sees and loves, to serve with a broken heart, all for His glory.  

These were somewhat easy words to pray in time zones removed from life that is the heartbreaking reality for most of the world. Because I had prayed the words, I travelled with the expectation that these cliches would become real in life changing ways. 

The experience I did not pray for was "gut-wrenching." In fact, this cliche never crossed my mind. It's not a phrase that exactly fits into our Sunday morning worship songs. 

However, on day 3, when we drove into the gates of M3, to the sound of cheering 2-10 year olds, this cliche became a part of my experience.  

We visited M3 with Moses as a part of the ministry of Sixty Feet. We had visited two government "remand" centers and my heart was already broken for the conditions and plight of over 200 children and youth at M1 and M2. We were warned that M3 would be even more difficult. Most of the 200 children at M3 had either been abandoned, sent to the capital city to beg, or lost in the streets. Many were very sick in a place with less than 8 caregivers. I am not sure anything could have prepared us.  

As we waited to sign in with the staff, my eyes fell on a very young boy, around the age of 3. He was sitting in the hot sun on a concrete wall. He stared into nothing, his eyes empty and shell shocked. My numb heart told me that he probably didn't want to be bothered. The Spirit whispered to me to go sit down beside him. I glanced down at him, still unsure of if, or how, I should reach out to him. 

Without looking at him, I silently reached out my hands toward him. He quickly grabbed them and scrambled onto my lap. As we settled in together and he fell asleep on my chest, I realized he was soiled in every way possible and that his sweet, half-dressed body was racked with fever. 

As I held and rocked him, I noticed my stomach was really tight. For a moment, I feared I might be getting sick. However, when I checked in with my emotions, I realized I felt as if my heart had been twisted and pulled into my gut in a way I had never experienced. 

Realizing this little boy was so sick without a mama to hold him was gut-wrenching. Knowing that he probably had malaria or TB, or was possible HIV positive, without adequate comfort or treatment, ripped my heart. As he slept, I cried and prayed for him. 

When he woke, I fed him cookies and juice. I sang "Jesus Loves Me" into his ear and told him how much he is loved. I took him to the nurses who work with Sixty Feet and inquired about his health. They checked with the staff of M3 and assured me he had already received medication for his fever.  A staff member took him to be cooled and cleaned. 

Selfishly, I was thankful when they took him inside. I was not sure how I would manage to walk away onto the van and leave without him. Just before we left, however, I felt a cool, small hand touch mine. Once again he was in my arms and I spoke words of love to him. My tears again flowed as I prayed over him before leaving. The hardest thing I have ever done, only through the grace of Christ.

Opened eyes. 

Learning to love the way God loves. 

A heart broken for what breaks His. 

Everything I am for His kingdom's cause. 

Gut-wrenching. 

Months later, many time zones away, these cliches still echo in my heart, with new meanings. The questions they bring out number the answers. I am still processing as we discern how God is leading us to respond to the things He has shown me. Praying for wisdom and grace as we seek to follow the Lord. 

Life goes on...for some

A sweet Ugandan team member and I occasionally talk on the phone for accountability as we process and try to listen for the "what now." Separated by many states, our hearts are connected by the our experiences in Uganda. We share how God is challenging us and leading us from this experience.

During our last phone conversation, we talked about blogs we read. We discussed recognizing many faces in the pictures from more recent mission teams. We are sobered to think about all the things we have done since returning from Uganda on August 3 and to know many of the children are still in the same place. 

We also talked about the good things that are happening through Sixty Feet in the prisons. Because of what God is doing through Moses and Sixty Feet, 200 Bibles have been purchased in their languages, 7 more children are receiving education this week through sponsorship and a few are being reunited with families.

One of the things we know to do is to share our stories. We pray that God will lead others to ask what they can do. Prayer, sponsorship, or a financial donation will make a difference. Going on a mission trip will definitely change your life.  While we cannot do everything for everyone, we can make a difference for some. 

Traffic jams and love/hate relationships

My mind and heart have been in a bit of a "traffic jam" lately. Processing the mission trip to Uganda is more difficult than I expected. Prone to unrealistic hopeful expectations and impatience, I envisioned being able to sharing stories easier and knowing "what does this mean for my life" sooner. I am grateful to have had conversations with other team members and realize this is normal!

Prior to going to Uganda, I read both mission trip and adoption blogs. Many quote the following verse:

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

I must confess I have a love/hate relationship with this verse. First, though I have searched, I cannot find this verse in this exact translation/wording. However, I cannot deny that it accurately represents the truth of the verse and here is where the real conflict enters. 

The experience in Uganda was beyond eye-opening. We came into contact with many heartbreaking situations, the kind that makes you "want-to-sell-everything-and-move-to-Africa." We held beautiful babies and children, who, though loved and cared for, live without a mommy and daddy and care we consider to be standard. The kind that makes you want to "bring-one-home-to-a-forever-family-now."  We saw injustices that were impossible to comprehend, the kind that makes you want to "sign-up-for-another-mission-trip-as-soon-as-possible." 

We return with eyes opened and hearts broken, more aware of the things that breaks the heart of God. The difficult part is knowing what to do discerning how God wants me to respond. As a wife and mom, a very important part of this journey is partnering with Thom to seek how God is leading our family. We are praying and seeking God to lead and guide us on this journey.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

I am satisfied...

In the midst of the hard things of Uganda  we saw again and again... JOY CONTENTMENT THANKFULNESS After our first full day at Canaan's Children's Home, David and I sat together. As we talked, the sun began to set and I wondered aloud when the children would eat dinner. He did not answer and we continued to talk. He asked me to tell a story and leaned close against me as I shared a story from the Bible.   Some children began to move toward a nearby building and I asked him again if he needed to eat dinner. He pulled slightly away and turned his face towards mine. With a look and smile of contentment, he replied with words I will not forget: "I am satisfied."  As we resumed storytelling, this mama's heart struggled to find a place in her brain for his comment. Yes, through God's provisions and sponsorship, he had the things he needed and more than most. However, by a "first world" (and simply worldly) standard, this sweet boy had much to want. However, at Canaan's he is being taught and given the thing he needs most:  God's love for him. As much as this 10 year old can, he seems to understand David, the psalmist's words: "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,  in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My souls will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Psalm 63:1-5

Choosing Gratitude

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 28:7



Worshipping with the children and teens at M1 with Moses and Sixty Feet



As a therapist, I know that gratitude is a healthy and healing way of balancing painful experiences and emotions. This is true whether trauma is personally experienced, observed, or verbally shared by another person. And gratitude is often a choice to made.

However, I have to remind myself of this choice as my heart wrestles with all of the sweet people I met in Uganda. I have been home for almost 2 days and struggle to wrap my Western mind (and heart) around some of the devastating life circumstances we came face to face with: AIDS, malaria, TB, unjust imprisonment, hundreds of babies and children lost from or abandoned by their families, and (by "first world" standards) unsanitary conditions that seem to perpetuate disease.

One of the most beautiful things we encountered, however, was the JOY we encountered in each location we served. As I continue to process, I hope to share stories of the people I met and light of the Lord that shined through them. Until then I will give a few "shout outs" of gratitude:

1) For Thom.  Without a doubt, one of the hardest things about the trip was leaving my family. I had complete faith in him; however, it is hard to single parent for any amount of time. I missed them and they missed me, but he did a wonderful job of keeping them busy and having fun with together! Not that I was surprised, but I came home to a clean house, happy children, stocked refrigerator, and dinner. With a calling and desire to go and serve, I am  blessed to be supported! Love you!!

2) The leaders and servants we met at each ministry location. As our hearts were broken, we were encouraged by the selfless leaders and staff we met: Pastor Samuel at Return Ministries, Rebecca at Royal Hope Academy, Moses at Sixty Feet, Katie Davis, Patrick, and Pastor Raoul at Amazima, the nannies at Amani Baby Cottage, and Pastor Isaac and "Mama Rebecca" at Canaans Childrens' Home...just a few of the many who share the truth and hope of Christ and "serve the least of these" on a daily basis

3) The many people who supported me with prayer and financial means to go. I will never be able to adequately express my appreciation!

4) The Lord's love, joy, and peace. He doesn't need me, but I am grateful that He allowed me to be a part of what He is doing in Uganda. I am thankful that He was there before us and that He is still there working "all things together for good among those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). I am thankful that He "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).
 

Our time in Uganda has been unbelievable! It is hard to believe that we only have a few days left. Our days have been packed and our hearts have been broken over and over again. The pervasive sickness and lack of basic resources are overwhelming. I am still not sure I have adequate words to describe all we have seen. I anticipate it will take a while to fully process all I have experienced here.

We have been in Jinja since Wednesday night to stay at Canaan’s Children’s Home. Currently, approximately 120 children (ages 3-18) live here. Many hours of our day is spent with the children when they are not in school. These two 11 year olds “claimed” me the minute I stepped off the bus on Wednesday night. At least one, if not both, are by my side every chance they get. It has been a joy to share Bible stories with them, play games, and just sit with them.



Claire and David...my constant companions. Goodbyes on Tuesday will be hard!

Our residence at Canaan's (with a clinic on the ground floor)

 On Thursday we visited the school where the children (and many others from the village) attend. In the afternoon, we went to Amani Baby Cottage and held and played with babies and young children. Many of them have been abandoned and are sick, some with HIV. It was hard to put my little guy down when we had to leave!



On Friday, we worked with a church based ministry called Home Again. This ministry focuses on widows and children from the Karamajong tribe. They are truly the “very least of these” in this culture. Many of the women are widowed due to AIDS and suffer from AIDS.



We split into four groups and visited with them in an extremely impoverished area. I had the privilege of sharing scripture and speaking with over 50 of them and leading them in sharing testimonies and prayer requests. God is at work in many of their lives! Afterwards, we purchased Ugandan beads they had handcrafted. Again, my mind and heart has not had time to completely process the struggle and physical destitution they live with on a daily basis.

Today (Saturday) we walked to Amazima. This ministry (through a sponsorship program) educates hundreds of children each week, helps provide medical care, and has a Bible study and feeding program on Saturday. We arrived at 10 and played with the children and helped prepare lunch for over 300 children. I worked in the cooking area with two women who work with Katie Davis. We chopped onions, stirred rice, and “cleaned” and cooked chicken. What an experience and blessing to spend time with these young women and to hear their stories! I was also able to talk with Katie for a short time. God is really using this ministry to share the gospel with the children!

Tomorrow our team will split between two churches. My group will travel into Jinja and teach the children and teens. I am excited to support a young woman, Lydia, who will teach the lessson. It was fun to see her eyes light up when I asked if she would like to teach them! I know she will do great!  In the afternoon, the children will sing for us and we will present the leaders with all of our gifts for Canaans.

Each day is very long but full in a good way. The Lord has provided everything we have needed for each situation. However, to be completely honest, it is very difficult not to be overloaded by the conditions most in this area live in. We are all very tired, but praying to finish strong with the children and ministries we are working with.

Pray for us as we continue to try to share the love and message of Christ, that God will protect our health (only one has had to go to the clinic), and that He will guide us in all that we do!









28 Days

 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

In 28 days I will be in Uganda. The journey to this point has been encouraging and has increased my faith. God has provided more than I could have asked or imagined. While this reference does include financial and material needs, it more importantly refers to the ways He is working to prepare me spiritually. It also refers to the changes in our itinerary and the curiosity it brings to my heart and mind. 


I initially signed up last December to go to Ethiopia, but felt God was leading me to Uganda and switched teams in January. I wondered why God was leading me this way and how He might use me on the team.  My training and experience is in education and counseling, and in my human mind I could not imagine (from the mission trip description) how God might use these.

A few months ago, a relatively new ministry was added to our itinerary. A Christian organization, 60 Feet (from the US), is working alongside Ugandans to minister to children and teens who are imprisoned, often for very minor incidents or none at all. Many have been "swept off the street." I learned more last night about the 3 children's prisons we will visit while in Uganda. M" is for children/teens (approximately 120, but fluxuates); "M3" is a "holding place" for children before they are "sentenced" and transferred to "M". "M4" is "protective services" for children under the age of ten, several whom have special needs. The fact is that each are prisons and the conditions are extremely poor in each setting. 


A few nights ago, I read this and learned that a counselor joined the staff working with "M" last month and is now working one-on-one with some of the children. Earlier this month, a mission team member (also a counselor) joined him for sessions. Also, I have heard about potential counseling opportunities at Canaan's with children and teens who have suffered loss. 


I do not know the Lord's plans for me in Uganda, but I am excited about the possibilities and am praying that He will continue to prepare me. I am praying for discernment as I "think outside the box" and brainstorm regarding donations to take. I am also praying that God will help me trust Him to lead and guide me according to His plans! 

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Proverbs 19:21